You Thought

It all comes down to this.

I’m done talking about wannabes. I’m done with the amateurs. Today we cover the god, or should I say godDESS, of saying ‘Screw it’. I’m talking about the end all, be all of having a life paved out for you with everything in order and being all like HOL’ UP MY NIZZLE UH-UH NOT TODAY. I mean the girl who looked right in the face of everything that was so-called right and acceptable and straight up said ‘um actually I’m the publisher of a world-renowned dictionary company so I’M THE ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT ACCEPTABLE MEANS, HOME SLICE.”

Ok. Ok. I got a little excited there. This is just gonna be really lit. Like totes gucci. We talking about Miley Cyrus.

Leggo.

Miley was a Tennessee gal, which is fitting, because she’s the only ten I see. At first she was just known as Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter. Which broke her achy-breaky heart, so Miley wanted to get in on that famous life. She went for it, and succeeded early. After her family moved to Canada for her dad’s role in the TV Series Doc, Miley landed a part in the series as well at just nine years old.

I will reiterate. She wasn’t wearing pink, sparkly lip gloss… she was on national TV.   

Ok, I’ll stop stalling: The moment you’ve been waiting for: Hannah Montana.

As you all know, Miley Cyrus was the lead character in the hit Disney show, Hannah Montana. BUT. Did you know that she didn’t originally audition for the lead? AND. Did you know that she was denied the role at first because she was too young and small for the part? No. Ya didn’t. That’s why I’m the expert. But yeah. Miley originally auditioned to be the lead character’s best friend, but was asked to audition for the lead. She was then denied the lead role because of her size, but (loud cheers) the directors saw her acting and singing talent and gave her the role anyway ahead of over a thousand other auditionees.

From there, ya girl was having wicked crazy success. Hannah Montana was a major hit. The show ran for years and Miley Cyrus was a household name across American families. Miley had her life made. She already had enough money to support her most of her life. She starred in a TV show that ran for 5 years. She had the good girl, southern belle charm. The world was her oyster. Stay the course, Miley. Don’t go crazy like so many others. You have so many chances here. Nah. She was going to do it her way.

It all started going “downhill” as some people would say in 2010, a year before Hannah Montana ended. Miley released the Can’t Be Tamed album while filming The Last Song, a movie based on the Nicholas Sparks novel. All while having a romantic relationship with Liam Hemsworth. For some reason, it seems like Miley NEEDED to get herself away from the goody-goody country girl look and closer to the edgy pop diva. More of Cyrus’ live performances were featuring risqué choreography, and here lyrics weren’t about overcoming your hardships with perseverance and more of overcoming them with a big ole FU.

And apparently, aversion from controversy is a tactic she used. In 2011, Miley scheduled an entire tour without a single American venue. She said her reasoning behind this is because she needed to perform where she was “most loved”. And with all the controversy that was spinning around, she felt that place was overseas… Whatever floats your boat over the ocean to your venues, Miley.

Ok I get it this is supposed to be an album dissection. I get that and I’m getting there.

Blah blah blah, controversy. Blah blah blah, hair cut. Blah blah blah, WOW SHE’S DOING WHAT SHE WANTS HOW COULD SHE.

Bangerz

Miley was going all in. In 2012, she supposedly was devoting all of her time to the screen, appearing in films like LOL and So Undercover. But when she landed a lead vice acting job in Hotel Transylvania, she dropped the project to put out new music content. It seemed to everyone that Miley had no clue what she was doing with her life, but apparently, she had a plan for everything.

In June 2013, Miley released “We Can’t Stop”, the first single from the Bangerz. It was a commercial success. The song topped the charts in the UK and broke Vevo’s record for most views in under 24 hours. Ok Milez. You good. One song down. No major controversy AND your image is changing. Good work!

Just wait.

August 25, 2013 was a huge day for our girl. To start, she released her second single of the Bangerz album, “Wrecking Ball”. (Not the music video yet, don’t worry, that’s later.) This was Cyrus’ first single to top the US Hot 100 Chart. But the real show-stopper of the day was the 2013 VMA Awards. Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke performed… “performed”?... went on stage?... with each other for Robin Thicke’s hit song, “Blurred Lines”. This marked Miley’s famous foam finger incident. I don’t usually judge people for fetishes… but the foam finger thing throws me off, okay. This was the epitome of new Miley. Picture this girl, not Hannah Montana, when we talk about Bangerz. The music video for “Wrecking Ball” came out on September 9, 2013. It featured Miley swinging naked on, well, a wrecking ball. The media was stunned. EVERYONE was stunned.

Bangerz is composed of 13 songs that has a length of just over 50 minutes. Miley Cyrus describes the album as “dirty south hip-hop”. She wanted it to be “very adult and sexy and believable”. Miley described her method behind the album, “Right now, when people go to iTunes and listen to my old music, it's so irritating to me because I can't just erase that stuff and start over. My last record I feel so disconnected from – I was 16 or 17 when I made it. When you're in your 20s, you just don't really know that person anymore.”

Adore You

Ok. This isn’t crazy at all. What’s all the hype about? This is a standard pop heartbreak song. “Baby, where are you?” “I adore you.” “I cry out for you.” This is all cliché. You may be rolling your eyes. But cherish this. Miley did just end a four-year relationship with her fiancé Liam Hemsworth around this time. This is pure, raw, vulnerable Miley. It’s lovely and don’t tell me otherwise.

We Can’t Stop

Oh yes. One of the three singles released off this album. The first two songs on this album really epitomize Miley Cyrus. We go from “Adore You” to this. What a change. The first lyric is “Red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere.” She goes on to talk about people “getting some” and “we just came to have fun now”. This is the start of the whole FU attitude. She can’t stop. She won’t stop. She’s looking at all the h8ers and saying @ me next time. Also, shout out to the girls with the big butts. That caught me off guard.

SMS (Bangerz)

Rap? F-Bombs? Um… miley this escalated quickly. Oh yeah, and this featured the queen herself who is eerily similar to Miley, Britney Spears. I picture this song being blared out in the club. This isn’t your sing along song. Milez and Brit have the guys on lock while they be struttin their stuff.

4 x 4

Wait… so is this a country album. I AM SO CONFUSED. I swear I hear twangy slang and instruments. But I’m not convinced. Like… it’s country. The growl in her voice, the hard r’s.  It talks about a 4 x 4 going really fast. And then Nelly comes in and its suddenly not country but talking about country things. The music is even half country half not. Still perplexed.

My Darlin’

OK. Back to pop, feature Future. This song is incredibly synthy. I feel like everything about this song was done while on Novocain. It’s talking about seeing a shadow of a girl and creating a future with the girl behind the shadow. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion, and on top of it its over 4 minutes of it. I’ll pass.

Wrecking Ball

The rally cry. The staple. It’s here. To be honest, the actual song didn’t matter much anymore after the music video came out. It was different and emotional and obscene. I wish that didn’t take away from the music. This feels like the most complete song up to this point of the album. The song immediately entices you with the pulsing piano and the song has a somewhat refreshing, and normal progression. A verse, a catchy chorus, another verse, another chorus, a passionate bridge, and two powerful chorus. Its elementary, my dear Watson. And maybe it’s the fact that it is normal that makes it so refreshing.

Love Money Party

This song is contradictory. What I assume is the chorus is just “Love, Money, Party” repeated four times. Followed by “We want love, money, party.” Yet she goes into the verses and talks about how money ain’t nothing and money can’t buy what’s important, how love sucks because heaetbreak, and party can get you jacked up. I mean I guess out culture can be pretty contradictory. But dang.

#GETITRIGHT

This is my favorite song on the album. It starts with a pleasing electric guitar strumming. The verses are Miley singing. Not her mumbling or rapping. Not a featured artist. But Miley Cyrus showing off her amazing pipes. This is ideal. She’s still making her edgier side come out. In the chorus, she’s publicly fantasizing about all the sexy things she could do to this guy. She’s being herself and slaying my life. YAS MILEY.

Drive

YAS MILEY PART TWO. Her voice slays me. But you know that at this point. She’s fighting for someone she loves, and I believe her emotion. Harmonies for days in this song. This is one of the few songs on this album I can recommend a relaxing listening. No need to dive in too deep with this one. Just sit back, close your eyes, and listen.

FU

This reminds me of a pop-y version of “I Put a Spell on You”. It’s the jazziest thing I’ve heard Miley Cyrus put out, and it showcases her range better than any song I can think of that she’s EVER put out. Man, the second part of this album is lit af.

Do My Thang

She’s gonna do her thing. That’s why I’m writing this blog right now. Because she did just that.

Someone Else

This reminds me of “Adore You”. It’s another normal heartbreak song but while in “Adore You” how it was focused on Miley loving, or adoring, this guy; this time, Miley was coming from more of a ‘I hate myself and I have no love left’ kinda place. Sad, I know.

I think “Someone Else” was a really, REALLY poor choice of song to end your album on. This album is a big personal and music change for Miley. Full of new mature content and music that Miley was genuinely happy about and music she felt was showing the world who Miley Cyrus really was. All of that and you end your album on some self-hating love ballad? It doesn’t make sense to me. But then again, I may just be putting too much thought into the order of songs in the album.

The glorification of self, and especially glorification of the female self played a role here. This calls for change though, and that’s evident with how cringy this transition was for people. Do we let tradition and order reign supreme or do we welcome new change? This is something that people have dealt with since the beginning of time. At the end of the day, Miley has the upper hand. Like she said in “We Can’t Stop”, “It’s our party, we can love who we want, we can kiss who we want, we can love who we want.”

Miley’s audience changed practically overnight, and that was her intent. In 2013, Cyrus hired Larry Rudolph to be her manager; Rudolph is best known for representing Britney Spears. Cyrus specifically credits Britney Spears as her biggest inspiration, and Miley is finishing what Spears started. She pulled every string in the book, whether it be weed, same sex marriage, sexuality, anything.

Miley Cyrus used her platform of childhood fame to make a career. People thought she had a certain career paved out for her. They were wrong. She paved her own way. She looked at expectations and laughed. Miley didn’t want to live her life being Disney’s Hannah Montana. So she changed. And Bangerz was the HUGE first domino in getting to the true Miley.

Oh Baby, Baby

Britney. Freaking. Spears.

“But dude…. you went from punk with ‘The Descendents’ to classic rock with the ‘J. Geils Band’ to soul with Stevie Wonder and Motown. How are you supposed to justify going from that stuff to Britney Spears? She’s one of the cringiest people ever. I can’t believe//////

STOP RIGHT THERE YOU BASTARD

Britney Spears was a pioneer into a culture that we very much live in today in 2017. I guess you could say that she SPEAR(s)headed this diva culture. HA. I know, I’m funny. You think I’m just being stupid to get your attention at this point and I’m gonna switch over to hosting a roast fest about Ms. Spears. But no, I’m being legit here. Britney Spears created a large part of this music culture, because of not only her musical choice, but also her personal ones.

Get ready for a trip.

Britney Spears was born on December 2, 1981, in McComb, Mississippi. At eight, Britney tried out for “The All New Mickey Mouse Club”, but was turned down due to her young age. This directed her to an off-Broadway show, "Ruthless", for a 2-year run as the title character. At age 11, she again tried for “The All New Mickey Mouse Club” again and, this time, made it as a mouseketeer alongside many stars of today like Justin Timberlake, Ryan Gossling, and Christina Aguilera.

Sound familiar? A Disney star gone off the tracks? *cough* Miley *cough*

Britney Spears was used to success. Early success. After the show's cancellation in 1995, Spears focused on developing her musical career. She eventually landed a contract with Jive Records. In September 1998, Spears released her first single, "...Baby One More Time." AT AGE 15. At 15 I was trying to get first place in my online match of Halo: Reach on my Xbox 360. She was making a single that reached the top of the Billboard 200 Charts and won her 4 awards at the 1999 Billboard Music Awards.

Sound familiar? A young pop phenomenon? *cough* Bieber *cough*

Her music talent wasn’t the only thing that propelled her into fame. Some would say her music wasn’t even the main reason she got to be famous. Britney learned very quickly that sex sells. In her award-winning single “… Baby One More Time”, Spears danced in a skimpy version of a Catholic schoolgirl uniform. Although the racy outfit drew sharp criticism from the parents of her young fans, Spears claimed to be a sweet, innocent Southern girl at heart. Yeah. Okay, Brit. Sure. Spears released “Oops!... I Did It Again” in 2000, when she was 18. The recording was an instant No. 1 hit on the album charts, selling more than 1 million copies in its first week. At this point, not only was her music career under a microscope, but also her personal choices, especially her music video choices. See. Britney was in a pickle. Her audience was younger, and obviously when you have a young audience you can’t just cater to the young people, you also need to take into account the thoughts and preferences of parents. Which Spears seemed to do, but only in word, not in deed. So, on one hand, she said she was pure, and a virgin until marriage, but on the other hand, you have all these music videos coming out of lil’ miss thang going kinda slutty to a degree.

Sound familiar? A star become sexualized and everyone judging them for it? *cough* every star under the age of forty *cough*

Britney Spears changed. She changed a lot. The exact moment where this change occurred is up for debate. But let’s start at 2004.  She married her childhood friend, Jason Alexander. Yay! The girl followed her heart and married a sweetheart she’s known since almost birth! No. The marriage lasted 48 hours. The she moved to backup dancer Kevin Ferderline. Kevin was a player himself. He had a pregnant girlfriend at the time. But alas, a mere eight months after she married Jason… she married Kevin. As if Britney needed yet another way to say a big “screw it”’ to her critics, she covered Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative” shortly after the wedding. The cover wasn’t a failure, selling millions of copies, but it wasn’t as popular as her earlier music. Her music wasn’t as popular as before, her sales were declining. The shocking part was, she didn’t care. She seemed content. She even got a reality show for icing on the cake.

Sound familiar? Musicians having reality shows? *cough* Ice T, Jessica Simpson, the queen herself Paula Abdul *cough*

After this. Shit got cray. She became pregnant and a mother in 2005. Got caught in a national debate on parents endangering their children after she was caught on film driving with her child in her lap. Welcomed a second child. Two months later, shockingly filed for divorce. Went clubbing regularly with Paris Hilton and other famous friends. Then the all-too-famous 2007 hair-shaving incident.

Sound familiar? Shaving your head in front of paparazzi? *cough*…

Wait that’s just a Britney thing. Sorry.

But yeah. She got in a custody battle for her kids. She had a fallout with her mom. She tried to do musical things. Her sister got pregnant. She failed at lip synching. The media was foaming at the mouth every time she walked outside because they wanted more dirt. Britney tried to do more musical stuff. But no one cared about that anymore.

AND THAT’S THE POINT OF THIS POST.

Britney Spears was a leader in changing the pop culture and in part the entire music culture to become, well, less musical. Look back at this post. Like actually scroll up and look. What do you see more of, her music career or her personal life? Yeah. That’s the point. I’ve talked more about her struggles and her fame than her music, and it was intentional.

As a culture, we like dirt. We like to live vicariously through others. In in the case of the media’s perception of Britney Spears, we all made it very clear that music isn’t the only thing we look for in musicians anymore. You need to look the part and more than ever, you need to be dramatic and catch our attention.

We are oversaturated with magazines and TV shows whose prime objective is to talk about celebrities’ lives. I don’t know what’s more saddening: the reality that what a musician does off stage is more important than what they do on it, or the fact that we encourage that.

I don’t know Kanye’s albums. I don’t know most of his songs. But I know he’s called out Taylor Swift.

I don’t know about Miley Cyrus’ newest music. But I know about her weird VMA performance where she twerked and groped a foam finger. I know about her nude photoshoots.

I could go on and on. We live in a celebrity culture. Not a music culture. You don’t have to pump out hit album after hit album and win award after award to stay in the spotlight. You have to go a little nuts and catch people’s eye.

Pull a Britney. Marry and divorce. Shave your head. Do something stupid. It worked for her and it continues to work today.

No Wonder People Were Dancing in the Streets

Hey you people. So far, this blog has touched on how your life can suck. We’ve touched on relationships, love, coffee, anchovies. Wow, it’s been a ride. But we haven’t really touched on examples of changing your sucky lives. This post is going to change that. Today we’re going to look at a genre, an artist, a music community, and one song that looked adversity in the eye and said Screw It. It’s amazing to see how other people take a pretty shitty time and work their asses off to make it better for them and generations to come, and we can all use it as motivation to do the same thing in our lives. So without further ado, let me all take you on the Soul Train that is Motown.

Let’s start with the basic of what Motown is. I wish I didn’t have to explain it because it’s only the BEST MUSIC EVER. That’s obviously not subjective or anything. But I digress, Motown is an American Record Company that was founded by Berry Gordy Jr. in 1960 after receiving a small loan of 1 million dollars from his family. Um, I mean a small loan of 800 dollars from his family. Detroit had been coined “Motor City”, and Berry thought the word “town” conveyed a better feel of soul and warmth than “city” did, so he called the company “Motown”.

Motown was a new platform to give African-American artist the full spotlight, where before, they would often, at best, take a backseat to white artists. 2648 West Grand Boulevard in Detroit, Michigan became “Hitsville U.S.A”, the headquarters of Motown. There quickly became a “Motown Sound” that was easily recognizable and is described by a style of soul music with a distinct pop influence. Berry Gordy Jr’s first signed act was the Matadors, who immediately changed their name to the Miracles. Miracles lead singer William "Smokey" Robinson became the vice president of the company. They had no idea this small company in a house in Detroit would blow up to be a national powerhouse. They had a dream, and some guts.

Don’t be deceived. This would be no small company. This wasn’t just a hometown outlet to make African-Americans feel better about themselves. This was a breakthrough. Some popular names is Motown are Diana Ross & The Supremes, Smokey Robinson & the Miracles, the Temptations, the Four Tops, Marvin Gaye, Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5, the Marvelettes, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, Gladys Knight & the Pips, Lionel Richie & the Commodores, and Teena Marie. Yeah. Most everyone will recognize at least one of those names, okay. Motown Records have claimed more than 180 world number one hits.

It would be an injustice to talk about Motown’s history and not talk about the social and political climate that surrounded it. The start of Motown was only part music. Motown stands for more than just music. The Civil Rights Movement was in full swing during the birth of this company. For reference, Rosa Parks refused to move to the back of the bus where the colored people were supposed to sit just a mere FIVE YEARS before Berry Gordy Jr broke ground on Motown. The year of Motown’s creation, sit-ins were happening at colleges all across the south. As if Berry needed a bigger hill to climb starting a new business, he needed to deal with the fact that a portion of America would not listen to anything to come out of his business, just because of the color of him and his artist’s skin.

There was one song that had a momentous part in the Civil Rights Movement. Released in 1964, "Dancing in the Street," by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas emerged at an explosive time in American history. John F. Kennedy had been killed the year before. The U.S. was on the brink of major combat in Vietnam. Racial tensions continued burning hot in the Deep South, and "race riots" were causing chaos in urban areas from coast to coast. The U.S. was like a major shitstorm right now. It was cray.

“But dude, what does a song about dancing have to do with war and racism and assasinations?”

Wooooah, random citizen, I’m getting there.

Civil rights activists began playing "Dancing in the Street" at rallies before they spoke to excite their audiences. In 1965, following another summer of urban racial clashes, an article in the black activist magazine Liberator read, "We are coming up! And it's reflected in the riot-song that symbolized Harlem, Philly, Brooklyn." The song to which Liberator was referring, of course, was "Dancing in the Street”. Of course, reporters were gonna ask Martha Reeves if her tune was "a call to arms”. Reeves didn’t like that question. Berry Gordy Jr and Motown Records agreed that they did NOT want to become political at all. Yet there were still of these accusations that Gordy and Reeves were abusing their platform to force feed white America a pile of nonsense. Um… no. That wasn’t the intention. But activists still took the song as an anthem.

This was a very hard time for Motown Records. It was practically the start of this new project, and success was booming. But all of a sudden, cultural interpretation came into play and Motown was labeled as an invalid business that fights against authority. This could’ve been a crumbling point. Gordy could’ve succumb to the pressure and terminate contracts and burn everything and FREAK. But no. He looked adversity in the face and said, “Screw it”.

On the point of screwing adversity, let’s talk about an artist in Motown that had several reasons to stop trying, but he pushed through and is still prevalent today.

Stevie Wonder is one of the most influential artists in the last century. Let’s address the elephant in the room. Stevie Wonder is freaking blind. He became blind because he was born premature and in the hospital, the doctors gave Stevie too much oxygen and it caused blindness. Talk about how life can suck. Did that stop him, no. He was picked up by Motown Records at the age of ELEVEN. Literally everything about this is crazy. Not only does Stevie sing, he plays instruments and helps produce his own music. He has done some insanely impressive things in his career: the youngest to have a No. 1 album, the first to reach that summit with a live recording, the first American to have an album debut at No. 1, and the only one to receive the Grammy for Album of the Year for three consecutive releases. Okay, I’ll stop fangirling about one of my favorite artists of all time.

Stevie Wonder is a perfect example of the type of hard-working, insanely talented people that Motown produced. Stevie Wonder, Berry Gordy Jr., Martha Reeves, and so many others stood up in the face of danger and loss and poverty and oppression and said “No more. Screw you”.

And that, my friends, is how you deal with the cruddy hand life deals. 

"Love Stinks"

Hey you. Welcome back.

So yes, we know that everything sucks, we’ve written about that already. But we know that you want specifics. So that’s what you’re gonna get. Love. It can be great. Everything is sunshine and unicorns. Becky gets asked on a date, the guy makes nice conversation, pays for it, and does well with her parents.

LIES. That guy is a scum and cheats on Becky. The sunshine turns to darkness and the unicorns turn into what they are: nothing. (kidding, unicorns are real don’t test me)

The J. Geils Band is an American Rock Group that was formed in 1967 in Worcester, Massachusetts. The have changed sounds several times from their start all the way up to 1985, the year of the band’s initial spilt, and beyond.

“Love Stinks” by The J. Geils Band was released in 1980. What a great way to start off the greatest decade ever (according to my mom and she is always right)… Okay, I lied. This wasn’t the best way to start out the decade. The J. Geils Band produced this album about two years after their first EMI album, and it really doesn’t feel up to date, you don’t think of typical 80s music when listening through this album, there is a lot of synth that you would expect more in 70s music. And hey, that not all their fault, it’s 1980. The first year in the decade. You can’t expect someone to pull a brand new sound out of their ass outta nowhere.

Really, this album is filled with cheese. From the first song “Just Can’t Wait” to the title track “Love Stinks”, it feels like the singer, Peter Wolf, is being dramatic over parents, love, and really all the bad things that could happen in relationships.  I love cheese, and I think cheese should be served with every meal: cheddar, provolone, swiss… but I digress. While cheese can be good, I think they’re trying too hard to be relatable.

Let me put it this way: a multi-million dollar band with a bunch of grown adults creates an album that seems to try to relate to teenagers. On top of that, the tone of the music doesn’t back up the lyrics. Take the first song “Just Can’t Wait” for example. This song is about the singer liking this girl, but her daddy keeps saying no to their relationship. It seems like a decent approach on paper. But when you put the lyrics and music together, it seems shallow. The synth and keyboard really doesn’t fit the feel of longing for something you can’t have. I counted how many time The J Geils Band said “just can’t wait” in the song “Just Can’t Wait”. It was TWENTY TIMES. Golly Gee, mister. This theme of shallowness and awkward choice in music is a constant throughout the album.

Although the awkwardness is a theme, the music changes in the album. Not like a normal change. Like, I am utterly shocked that some of these songs are on the same album. I don’t know what stuff they were smoking, but how in the world do you put “Love Stinks”, arguably the second most popular song the J. Geils Band has ever produced, a head-nodding, toe-tapping anthem to heartbreak, on the same album as “No Anchovies, Please”? I don’t even know where to start on this one. “No Anchovies, Please” is also about love… I think. It’s about a couple from Portland, Maine. Peter Wolf practically talks the whole song. There isn’t synth, there isn’t really a big melody. It’s just… a story with some music in the background. What the hell. Not that this was a bad song, don’t get me wrong. I think it is very unique and poetic, but I do not think it has any place on this album. The title, the sound, and the tone all are vastly different than what we expect.

Overall, this album did what it was intended to do, make The J. Geils Band known. The song “Love Stinks” was a success and still makes its way into the music and commercial scene today (think those old Swiffer commercials). That being said, I wouldn’t say the album was well put together. It feels disconnected and discombobulated. There is a huge variety of music on this album, and if you like that, cool. But they didn’t stick to one common sound in the album and that made it confusing.

But hey, love stinks. It can make you scattered and emotional. And that’s what this album was. 

"Everything Sucks"

Everything Sucks. It's about time that everyone stop spouting their fluffy unicorn and rainbow nonsense about how everything is going to be okay all the time. Because it's not. Only the smartest of people understand this. When you woke up today, who did you think was the smartest person you knew? OK. Now take that answer and throw it in the trash because you have a new thing coming. The Descendents know that everything sucks, so of course, in 1996, they did what any normal band would do when they figured out a true problem: write an album about it. Freaking geniuses. So sit back, relax, and get ready to join me in the beautiful journey of punk-rock "screw this" attitudes while belting out all the problems of our pathetic little lives.

Everything Sux

The guitar. Wow. A thing of beauty. You can practically feel the aggressiveness in the strumming. Not only the guitar, but EVERYTHING is aggressive in this song. The drummer comes in and just wails. Those drums insulted his momma, her momma, and their momma's momma. Like dude, I love it don't get me wrong. But a full minute and a half of flailing your extremities. Bravo. For real though, My favorite part of this song is how it's relatable. Us normal people in the normal world don't know about crashing our Lambos or sexing up so many pretty young things. But we DO know about waking up on the wrong side of life and our car not working. The Descendents make the everyday struggle of a sucky life relatable and something we can rock out of.

I'm The One

What?! A love song on this album? This seems out of place. 

Well, it isn't.

Nice guys always finish last and this guy is one of those. You know that the singer is agitated with his luck, but the instruments aren't as aggressive as they are in "Everything Sux". This is pretty close to as sentimental as The Descendents are gonna get. The singer wants this dynamite gal but the dynamite gal is apparently into huge dicks, which isn't what the singer specializes in. Hey unspoken woman, learn to choose better men. God. Oh, the trials of love.  

Coffee Mug

Goodness. This song is literally 35 seconds of pure perfection. 

Rundown: when life is shitty. Coffee, coffee, coffee. 

Rotting Out

This song actually starts to address the problems you face in your life. It's a fool-proof plan. Sweep everything under the rug. What problem do you sweep under the rug? "Your fucked up family". Granted, in the song, The Descendents admit that sweeping these problems under the rug will cause more problems down the road. But forget all that long-term crap. live in the moment. Live in the moment with that killer ride cymbal and punkilicious guitar. 

Sick-O-Me

This song is like the flip-side of "I'm The One". This time, instead of the dynamite gal liking douche-canoes, the singer kind of thinks he's a mini douche-canoe. He's insecure about himself as person, so he's practically begging this chickadee to not get sick of it. I feel that. Like we all deal with our own stupid little things about ourselves. Like... what if no one reads my blog though...

Caught

This song is certainly the most unique sound up to this point in the album. The bass guitar is much more prevalent than the other songs, and it starts the song, this probably made the bassist feel a lot better about himself. This song goes on and on about being caught red-handed is the only real crime in the world we life in. I don't really like this song based on its repetitiveness and the random change of how the world sucks. Come on, guys, we need more relatable, I-hate-*insert scenario here* stuff.

When I Get Old

This song is a great change of pace. Not a change of theme, but change of pace. I'm not crazy, we all need to continue to bitch about things. This time: the aging process. Getting older is something that is undeniable for everyone, but that doesn't stop us from the normal insecurities of it. The singer doesn't want to be a normal, stupid adult. He doesn't know what he wants, only what he doesn't. Musically, this song is refreshing to our ears. After practically the whole album of fast-paced, this song is felt in 4/4 time. (WOW A MUSICAL TERM. It's okay I'll explain) It practically means that this song is a little more chill than the others. Which is dope, because telling everyone about how everything sucks so much is exhausting and it warrants a slower pace from time to time. 

Doghouse

YES YES YES. The ultimate F-U to society. This is what I'm talking about. The singer is practically saying, "Ok, you think I'm a worthless dog? Fine! I'll be the epitome of what you dread in a youth. You're living in my doghouse now. Ha. That's what you get, ya slack-jawed, mouth-breather."

We all agree that adults and authority and people in society suck. And when they tell you who YOU are without them knowing you, sometimes they deserve to be pissed off. 

She Loves Me

Ugh. Another love song. Why is love so damn song-able? We get it. You know she loves you, but she won't admit it. Wow. So deep. So passionate. So edgy. *entire body eye-roll*

Hateful Notebook

I am legit confused on this one. It is musically pleasing and we have our first occurrences of prolonged drum riffs, which I love. But the song itself is confusing. He, a self-proclaimed stoner, is trying to figure out what is in this little girls book. This book controls this entire girls being. So you have this somewhat creepy struggle in wanting to know something that you just aren't being allowed to know. That sucks. But seriously, bro., you don't know what's in that notebook. Maybe it's best to keep it that way. 

We

So how do you cope with all this crap that's been going on in this album?

This song.

It's all going to be okay, especially if you find someone else to tackle things with.

Eunuch Boy

What. The. Actual. Hell. 

This Place

This song epitomizes what this album is (other than the first song, obviously). Your job sucks, your boss is a dickhead, and you literally have to LEAVE THE ROOM because the people you've surrounded yourself with actually make you sick. The Descendents are straight savage and they're saying what everyone feels, but never wants to say. 

I Won't Let Me

Aaaaaaaand we're back to the coping. We're going full circle here, folks. This song is how we should all approach life. The singer knows he faces temptations, depressions, apathy, and all this other crap that has been accumulated in this album, but he doesn't fall into that because he knows he is smarter than that and he has someone who is worth fixing yourself for. If The Descendents can do it, you bet your ass that you can too. You got this. 

Thank You

I could not think of a better way to end this album. The Descendents tackled a lot of relatable problems, and offered ways of how to cope with them. And to end, they are thanks this unknown person for getting them through all the shitty times that they've been through this album. Knowing who the person they are talking about is irrelevant. This person has helped the singer through his struggles, and this makes a fabulous caboose on the Screw It Train.

Yes. Life sucks.  But finding someone who will help you get through it will make coping so much easier. But until then, keep on complaining. The Descendents make it REALLY easy with this album. 

What Even Is This Thing?

Yo.

Welcome to Screw It... I guess. Thinking about it, if you're here, you probably aren't having the best day. So that's unfortunate. Anyway, this blog was designed because of the universally known fact that everything sucks. People suck. Relationships suck. Your friends, your school, your job. Literally all thing sucks. And if it doesn't right now, just wait.

Wow, what a happy, inspirational way to introduce this. Sorry.

But in all seriousness (don't get use to this, it doesn't happen often), this music blog isn't meant to remind you about how much your life sucks, but it's meant to give you music that gives you a means of coping with the sorry, sorry times in your life.

*seriousness over*

So yeah. From hip-hop to country, from 2017 to 1940, and regardless of genre, era, and artist, Screw It will exploit the lows in your life so you don't have to tirelessly think about them. Have you ever had a nasty breakup? Screw It. Failed a test? Screw It. Boss being a huge Knucklehead-McSpazzatron? Screw It.

You don't need to stress about the right things to say to face your problems. Facing your own problems is overrated. We here at Screw It will do the talking for you. And by "we" we mean a vast variety of talented and popular songwriters will do the talking for you. But we here at Screw It WILL put these talented songwriters' songs in a well-calculated order so you can have maximum cope-itude to all your problems.

Happy browsing.